«I'm pregnant!»
This is one of the expressions commonly used to break the news to a parent of an unborn baby. But also: «You are going to be a Father!», which is more direct and has more impact. Or many more, depending on the circumstances. All of them, whatever they are, do not leave indifferent whoever speaks them or who hears them. Faces light up, moistened eyes shine like little stars, smiles raise up on people’s faces…
But signs of anxiety, insecurity and doubt also emerge… “What now?”
Leaving aside all other possible perspectives of approaching the news of a pregnancy, I want to share with you some suggestions regarding possible ways of preparing a house, a family, a home, for a new and important member.
Let's do this?!
Home moving
When to change?
There are parents who, in good time, plan an 'upsizing' of the house they live in and who will welcome their baby in the future. In other words, they conclude that the arrival of a 'little prince or princess' will 'shrink' the space they use and, therefore, they start planning to move to a larger house. Some do it even before pregnancy; others let it dictate when they do it.
If this is the case, that is, if the moving to a new house has to take place during pregnancy, the recommendation is this: if possible, that this moving to a new house takes place at the beginning of the pregnancy. Because if they have to do it in the final phase of it, this move will have to be planned in detail, using as much help as possible from third parties, so that the day of the move (and subsequent days and weeks) can be experienced with peace of mind by the Mother and, consequently, by the baby.
Where to move?
Well, now everything you do or think about doing in life will include a third person. Or a fourth, fifth, etc., depending on how many people your household contains. In any case, a new being – and very dependent on you – requiring you to review your life plans.
And this also involves the logistics of moving home-kindergarten-work and work-kindergarten-home or any other movement on which your life is based or may come to be based. If you plan for your baby to attend a nursery or kindergarten, you should know which ones are closest to the places you plan to move to. And insert other variables such as: «how to take him and how to pick him up?», «by what routes and with what means of transport?», «how to integrate this with Mom and/or Dad’s work schedule?» .
And if you are someone (or you share your life with someone) who likes to plan for the very long term, then you will also want to locate and get to know the primary and secondary schools that may exist in the area where you would like to move. And, by the way, the entire housing neighborhood and surrounding community.
Well... if you tell me that you also want to plan your baby's future university life... it's because you seriously need to relax and release that anxiety that has suddenly taken over you. Calm...
The baby's room
In the parents' room?
It's very possible that the first few months of your baby's life will be spent in your room. You will certainly want to have him as close to you as possible, since you will spend a lot of time with him, feeding him, taking care of his sleep, his digestion, his colic, his hygiene and the necessary interaction with him.
If so, take care to organize the space in your room, so that the crib is in a safe, easily accessible, airy and ventilated place, without the risk of something falling into it from a shelf. Also pay attention to the sun's rays coming from the window. They are recommendable, but only in the right dose.
Where to place the baby's room?
The baby will not sleep forever in your room. You will definitely want him to have his own space to sleep and (later) to play. If you live in an apartment, the baby's room won't be too far from yours. But if you live in a house, it depends on its size. And in the first months and years of his life, although your baby should have its own space, you will want it not to be too far away from you, so that you can take care of it in a timely and safe manner.
What furniture and decor?
Many parents dedicate themselves (and enjoy) creating ‘the baby’s room’, painting it, furnishing it and decorating it. Others do it with equal satisfaction, but think a little further ahead, in order to avoid remodeling in the next two or three years, preventing them from suddenly realizing that the room has become too 'babyish'. They will set up the room so that it is suitable for the first five or six years of their child's life.
The choice is yours, but be sure to look at this investment in a more practical way: after all, ‘your baby’ will not forever be ‘a baby’. Whether thinking about a period of five years, for example, or just thinking about the short term, the truth is that you will have to pay attention to some 'important details'.
The crib
Starting with the baby's bed, or his crib. As much as possible, it should be sufficiently robust and wide, allowing your baby to use it for a long time. Wood is always a baby-friendly material, so avoid metallic ones. There are some cribs that, after fulfilling their function (as a crib and baby's first bed), can be transformed into a small desk, which can accompany the child until they enter and begin their first years in primary school.
And don't forget that you will have to put your baby in and out of the crib many times. Therefore, it is important that the level of the bed is adjustable in height (so as not to ruin your back) and that at least one side of the cot is also adjustable in height or easily removable. This will make it easier and safer for you and your baby to get him in and out of the crib.
The changing room
It will still be a long time before the baby grows and gains autonomy and the ability to take care of his daily hygiene alone. That's why his bathroom will be mobile: either he relieves himself in his diaper or, a little later, whoever takes care of him will have to anticipate that moment and take him to the bathroom to teach him how to use the potty or toilet.
But until this growth phase arrives, you'll have to create your own space to take care of your baby's hygiene. This can initially be created in your room, if you have space for it, or in the baby's room. Diapers, wipes, towels, talcum powder, soaps, moisturizers, not forgetting the baby's clothes, all of this must be tidied and organized in a place that is 'always at hand'. And so that Mother, Father, siblings, always know where they are.
The bathroom
The bathtub
But then, where will you bathe him? Wherever and however it is, the first condition is that you do it safely and comfortably. For the baby and for those who bathe him.
You can choose to use a bathtub suitable for babies. You can install it in your room or in the baby's room, it is important that it is in a safe place, making it impossible for it to slip. And it should be at a height that facilitates the careful handling that should be done with the baby in this situation. It will be essential that you have everything you need on hand during and after his bath.
The adequate temperature and ventilation of the room where you bathe are important, not forgetting that it is an activity with water. For all these reasons, many parents choose a bathroom in their home to set up the baby's bathtub and place everything they need nearby for the bath and after-bath. You can even choose to place the baby's bathtub inside the bathroom bathtub (there are even baby bathtubs with devices that adapt to the bathroom bathtub). You will have to take into account that your position (bent over) when bathing him will not be the best for you. And these baths will be repeated many times!
The potty
It will take a while for your baby to use the potty. Until that moment, the diaper is his urine and feces evacuation space. But the time will come when he acquires and habitually maintains an upright position. And there will also come a time when he can anticipate this need to evacuate. Before or after this moment, you can educate him on how to use the potty.
Many parents take the potty to their room or to the baby's room, so that the baby can play while sitting on the potty. Excellent! But they may also choose (initially or later) to place the potty (with the baby sitting on it) in the bathroom of their home. It's a way for the baby to more easily understand that that space in the house is suitable for doing his physiological needs. And, believe me, many babies, taught this way, end up feeling the need to go to the potty as soon as they enter the bathroom.
At this stage of going to the potty, and if the bathroom is the place chosen to put you and your baby, then you should take care to have some toys, diapers, wipes, etc. in this room of the house. Finally, create a space for your baby's intimate hygiene. After all, he will not stop growing, he will create different needs and assert his physical autonomy!
The kitchen
The chaos of meals
Moments of real chaos could be those experienced with the baby during solid feeding. Really! Once the breast or milk feeding period is over (or, sometimes, in parallel), you must start giving your baby solid food (porridge and soups, at the beginning). And it is then that he reveals himself in all his capacity as a true 'circus artist': with one hand he bangs with the spoon on the table, with the other he puts his hand in the soup, at the same time he eats a spoonful, and then immediately spitting it in all directions!
For this writer, changing diapers and giving baths is ‘a piece of cake’, compared to feeding a baby. Of course, all babies are different, as is the energy, attitude and pedagogy of those who feed them. But be prepared for a chaotic dining space, during and after the baby's meal.
So, if you are thinking that you can give your baby a solid meal in your room or in his room… think twice.
The true throne
The kitchen is the room in the house best prepared for these first meals. There are usually floors (ceramic) and walls (tiles) better prepared for this chaos. Subsequent cleaning is therefore easier.
Even so, it's a good idea to have a stain remover handy (your clothes won't be spared), a sponge (the kind that remove stains from painted walls) and some damp and dry cloths (to clean tiles, floors and tables). If you wear a waterproof coat for your baby, which covers him from the neck down, all the better, as you save on washing his clothes again. And, by the way, think of one for yourself.
But where to sit the baby? On the lap of someone who feeds him? Hmmm… not advisable at all. On someone's lap while someone else feeds them? Better, but still not advisable. The ideal would be to have a highchair just for him. Ideally constructed and covered with easily washable materials. Because, have no doubt, this will be the true throne of your prince or princess. It is from here that he will dictate his laws, throw his tantrums, scream for more or less food, throw everything he has at hand.
The pantry and refrigerator
Another care to take in your planning to welcome a baby into your home has to do with meals. Either yours or his.
In the final stages of pregnancy and in the weeks (and months) postpartum, the Mother will not have many physical, emotional and mental conditions to cook. Not even to go shopping. She may have help from her parent and someone else close to her, but it is important to be careful. To this end, before giving birth, do consider to substantially stocking your pantry, to avoid having to go to the supermarket several times.
You will also be able to take advantage of the phase in which you still have available time (pre-delivery), to cook several meals, storing them in individual doses and freezing them, because in the post-delivery phase you will not have as much availability (and willingness) to do so. Do not rule out the possibility of asking your family and close friends to do it for you, including changing baby gifts (which sometimes are not even the most appropriate) for homemade, pre-packaged, ready-to-eat meals. and ready be be frozen. This is valid not only for meals for you, but also for your household (baby apart), all depending on the degree of autonomy of the people who make up the household.
If you have a clumsy partner in the kitchen at home, as well as other grown children who, until then, had little autonomy to prepare their meals, everyone can take advantage of this phase to live up to the expression “necessity sharpens ingenuity”. And, suddenly, a threat (not having meals prepared for them) becomes an opportunity (they acquire knowledge, practice and even taste in preparing their own meals). But, of course, keep an eye on what they are doing.
What about the baby's nutrition? Well, at first he will be milk fed. To the breast or the bottle, or simultaneously. It may be necessary to store milk (breast pumped or prepared) in the refrigerator. Add to this the porridge, soups, utensils suitable for baby meals and you will see that your kitchen suddenly seems smaller.
In conclusion: take a good look at your kitchen and imagine how you can accommodate your baby there, where you can place the highchair, where to place the plates, cutlery, bibs, cups, bottle. Does your pantry (or kitchen cabinets) have enough space for a storage booster? And does your fridge have enough space for what you need to put there? Any decisions regarding works or equipment changes can be made and operationalized well before the needs become effective.
The home (dis)organization
The playground
Have no doubt: your home will become a huge playground, a huge playground for your baby! Don't despair, simply accept that it will be so. But this does not mean that you cannot create spaces for games, housekeeping and discipline routines for yourself, your baby (not in the first months) and the rest of the family.
Toys are scattered around the house because your baby does not stay still in one place since he started crawling? Then prepare your home with several storage baskets, easily transportable, where at the end of each play session in one space of the house, you can place the toys, keeping them there for the next day or moving them to another room. Your child will soon begin to realize that he himself can (and should) remove the toys from the baskets and put them back at the end of the game. And this act of tidying up can even be a game for you and him!
If your house is large, if you live in a duplex apartment or in a house with more than one floor, then I advise you to create several utility packs and distribute them around the house, in places where you know they might come in handy in emergency situations. These packs may include: diapers, wipes, small towels, waterproof mats (to be placed on the floor, on the sofa or on a bed, to support the diaper change), baby grows, talcum powder, etc.
Home hygiene
The world seen from the ground
The newborn baby is not even able to roll over on itself. But it won't take long to do so. And soon he will start crawling. His world will now be viewed from ground level. He is going to discover and he is going to touch and taste everything he can. It will be very important that you keep the entire floor of the house clean, paying close attention to the dirt incorporated into the footwear from outside. Your baby will have contact with the outside world and all the bacteria it carries and it is desirable that this happens to gain immunity and become stronger and more resistant. But let's take it easy... in the first weeks of life his immune system is still very fragile.
Therefore, it will be very important that the carpets and rugs that you may have around the house are not those that shed a lot of hair (wool) or absorb and store a lot of fur (from dogs and cats, for example). Of course, frequent cleaning of these carpets and rugs helps, but if you can opt for soft, short-pile carpets, which will help a lot.
But the floor isn't all covered in carpets and rugs. Solid wood, floating flooring, ceramics, bricks, shale, etc., we can find various types of materials. Pay attention to any cracks that may exist, especially in wooden floors (planks or parquet floors), as small splinters can hurt your baby. Take precautions and fix them in time.
Do you know where a huge amount of dust is concentrated inside the house? On the curtains. Simply because they are placed next to windows, because they have a large surface, because they (mostly) have a texture that allows them to accumulate dust and also because they are not usually washed and vacuumed as frequently as floors, carpets and rugs. Take this test on your curtains. You can wash them more regularly, but you can also choose to wipe them with a damp cloth, from top to bottom, from one side to the other, without removing them from the gutters. It doesn't solve the problem, but it reduces the dust they accumulate.
If your home already includes one or more pets – dogs and/or cats, mainly – you certainly already have the basic hygienic care required for these animals to live in your home. However, with the arrival of a baby, rethink everything concerning the spaces, routines and hygiene behaviors are for each of your animals. After all, your baby will be in very close contact with them (hugs, cuddles, mutual licks on the face and snout) and with their belongings, including the possibility of access to hygiene spaces (cat litter boxes or balconies, terraces, etc. that the dog may be accustomed to use in case of extreme need). If mandatory vaccination of these animals was already required, with a baby at home, it becomes even more demanding.
Pets
Introduction to a new family member
I would like to draw your attention to some precautions you should take when integrating your baby into your home when you already have a dog or cat, one or several, living with you for some time. Especially if they have never lived with babies and children in the same house. Don't forget that they were your ‘babies’ until then. And the arrival of another being in your home, who 'steals' your attention, who 'steals' your lap, can generate a crisis of 'jealousy' that should be cautious.
I will not go into considerations here about the reactions and behavior of other children that you have to live with. This is another topic that does not fit in this article. But there are some behavioral similarities on the part of the pets that you are in charge of.
It will be important that you keep them close to you throughout the entire pregnancy process, giving them all the attention they always had from you. With the birth of your baby and if the baby has to stay in the maternity ward for a few days, take or ask someone to take home some item of clothing or blanket that contains the baby's scent. And give it to your dog or cat to smell, accompanied by cuddles and calm words.
When the baby arrives home, try to create an environment that is not one of excitement, but within the usual tranquility. Don't forget that your pets will already be excited after a few days without seeing you. Greet them and interact with them as you always have, but now holding the baby in your lap and allowing your pets to sniff your baby. Pay attention to their reactions. You will not have negative reactions if you are calm and in control of the situation. Accompany this process with cuddles and calm words.
Your dog or cat will be very curious to understand which ‘animal’ is the one you bring home. It's perfectly normal. When putting your baby in yours or your baby's bed, stay nearby or have someone to do so, taking care that your dog or cat does not invade the baby's space, curious, not knowing exactly how to interact with him and being able, for that, inadvertently hurt him. The first contacts with the baby, over several weeks, should be done with your presence. Always in a peaceful environment and cherishing the presence of your dog or cat. It is one more member of the family that is there and no one (human or animal) loses status in the family.
Above all, what you want to avoid is that your 'four-legged friend' associates the arrival of a baby with possible negative changes to his life and daily routines. Therefore, whatever is predictable and possible to change before that arrival, must be changed before that moment. For example, if it is expected that postpartum, someone else will walk or feed the dog or cat, these changes must take place before the baby is born. If you plan to change access to certain rooms (or even sofas or beds, if you choose to do so), you should do so before the baby is born and in a positive way, that is, using rewards and games and, gradually, educating the pets in the desired behaviors. Just as you should introduce and assemble cribs and other paraphernalia related to the baby, before his birth, so that all of this becomes part of the house where your pets already live.
When a pet arrives in a family where there is already a baby or child - especially if they are still puppies or kittens - this integration of babies (human and animal) into the family becomes easier.
Security at home
Common sense, above all
So where could danger lie and wait for your baby? Well, in truth, everywhere… and nowhere. What I mean by this is that there are no safety measures that guarantee no risk to your baby's life. But I also know that many babies grow up in a healthy environment, with few safety measures, and nothing bad happens to them. But times change, so does technology and our consumer society makes available to us an endless series of objects and gadgets that allow us to create an environment of potentially greater safety for your baby and for you. If so, and if you can financially make some investment in this area, why not?
So here are some basic measurements:
Do you know where a baby, who is just crawling, really likes to touch and even stick his tongue? Yes, that's it: the electrical outlets. Do not give up on this precautionary measure: install protectors for electrical sockets, whether those placed on the walls of your home or those that are part of the electrical extensions you use to connect various equipment at the same time.
It is necessary to protect the furniture edges in the house. Preferably not to have them... but if this is not possible, you must protect the sharp edges of tables, chairs, desks, etc. There are some silicone or soft PVC protectors that do the job very well.
Does your house have interior stairs? Well, then I advise you to think about the possibility of placing railings on the stairs, at their top and, perhaps, at their base. When the baby starts to crawl and, later, take his first steps, all it takes is a little distraction and…. catrapum! And, sometimes, these interior stairs do not have side walls (the architects were not concerned with the safety of children), so you have to think carefully about what your priority is: aesthetics or the safety of the baby and of those who carry him in their arms.
And balconies? Or low windows? Look at what is inside the house and check whether it is possible for a baby (who already crawls and stands up supported by walls, chairs and furniture) to be at risk if he has access to your balconies or certain windows. Some fenced balconies even have railings wide enough for a baby to put their head there. And if the head fits, imagine the rest... These situations must be prevented and prevented in a child's early years. There are special nets that can be placed on balconies, as well as tempered glass or acrylic that can be placed as security on your balconies. As for low windows, you must take special care when closing them or, additionally, place a glass or transparent acrylic protection on the outside of the window (if possible).
Is your home loaded with furniture with glazed surfaces? Is this glass thin and easily broken if a baby toy is thrown against it or knocked against it, for example? So you already know that it would be preferable to dispose of that piece of furniture… Or replace that glass with something more resistant or with a surface that won’t break into a thousand pieces.
And have you ever thought about whether the circulation around the house is fluid? Have you ever imagined walking through it with a baby in your arms, tired from so much holding and interrupted sleep? Do that piece of furniture and that chair really have to be there? Aren't those table lamps and those vases really prone to being inadvertently elbowed? That's right... Look at your home 'with proper eyes' and don't hesitate to remove from circulation (even if just for a few months) some things that will create obstacles and insecurities for the baby's movement around the house in the arms of their caregivers.
Take a stroll through the bookshelves and shelves spread throughout your home. Check that they are all solid. Screw to the wall any furniture that is not fitted and which, if you look carefully, is in such a position that a child (already two or three years old) could lean on it and make it tip over.
Where do you store your cleaning products for floors? And for clothes ? And for dishes? Are they in places accessible to a child who crawls and/or walks? So it would be better to consider placing them in spaces less accessible to children, or think about installing some locks (plastic material) to prevent children from opening some cabinets.
Soon (around one year of age) your baby will stand up and walk. It will still be small, but it may already be tall enough to stretch his arm and reach what is on the stove or kitchen counter. Or he can open the oven or microwave. Consider these situations. Check what you can do to physically prevent something bad from happening, but don't put aside (on the contrary) your ability to teach your baby, your child, not to touch everything he sees in the kitchen. Of course, knives should be kept out of sight and in a place that is difficult for a child to access. If you want to add protection for opening ovens and microwaves, as well as access to hobs and stoves, these are also available on the market.
You can easily find intercoms (in pairs) that are placed next to the baby's crib, with the parents staying with the other. Nowadays, they even transmit video in addition to audio. Its use allows parents to go away to another room in the house for a while, with greater peace of mind, since they can always go to their baby when they hear him crying or simply babbling some sounds, signaling that he is awake.
The arrival of a baby into a home creates a whirlwind of emotions. The arrival of a baby into our lives changes it forever. Transform us. I am one of those who believe that for the better. I am one of those who believe that this is the true miracle of Life: generating and giving birth to another Being.
Dear ‘first-timers’ (read: those who are going to be or plan to be parents for the first time), everything becomes easier than it seems when you read an article like this. I realize that at this moment you are thinking something like: «Wow! So much to think about, so much that can fail!». And what is written above is just a small part (and a perspective) of what you will have to deal with.
Those who have already experienced this miracle of generating Life and caring for it, know that there should always be a good dose of common sense in the care taken when a baby arrives at our home.
In this text I only share (some) warnings regarding (some) precautions that you may have. As for common sense, that will have to come from you! And believe me, it is inside you!
If you want to share with me (and with anyone who reads me) some comments on this topic, don't hesitate!
If you are planning to move house and want to be professionally supported by someone who will take care of you and your family throughout the entire process, contact me:
Marco Moura Marques
+351 967 035 966
marcomouramarques@kwportugal.pt
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